Kylo Ren and The Ab demon
by Sijax
Summary: I am not responsible if you get cancer from reading this.
1. Chapter 1

it was a drak and stormy nite. annie the ginger demon cuoldnt slep no metter how hrard she triid. she tossed nd tnurd. finnally she felt hersef slipping intu slep. BUT!1! SHE WOOK UP NAD SHE WAS IN A DRARK ROOOM!1 IT WAS SOOOO SPOOPY1! she looked raranound. it luked liek she was in A SHPACESHIPP!1! OMG!one! she was TIED DOUN!1 but then! a spoopy drark dude waaked in. nad she felt chilllz goin up n down her spine! shiver! shiver! shiver! she tried tu talk but she had A GAAG IN HER MOUTHMPH! so the spoopy dude didnlt notice her [omg notice me already senpai!]. anyho, he started tu tak of his shirt! [so smexy] nad she trid to SCREAM but therer was the gaag in her MOUTHPH!1! butt he truned around! and!1! he had ABS!1!one! and not jsust ANY ABS! thes was a SIXTEEN PACK!1 (how the fuck is that possible) [it's just a story, don't overanalyze it] she GASPED! *gasp* nad he GASPED! *gasp* his abs were BIG! and BEAUTIFUL! and ROUND! (wait so you're telling me he had sixteen pairs of boobs on his lower abdomen) [shut the fuck up]

-kylos POV!-

he didnt know how she got therer! he reeched out to untii her, nad she shrank bcack from his touch. and his feels were hrurt! poor kylo!1! so he untied her, nd she set up and stared in mazememt at his abbs!

-annies POV!-

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAABBBBBBBBBBBSSSSSSSSS!11!one!1!, she thoutgh! tey were sooo weird! but then!1! SIJAX AND OLIVE AND NIKITA OPENED THE DOOR!1! le gasp! *gasp* "its not wat it luks like!" cried annie-boo. tey stood there in mazememt! and den severeal things hapened at the same tiem!

1\. olive squeeled!

2\. sijax got pervrerted grin on her fcace!

3\. nikita sploded with noseblods and swooned in the gneral drection of sijax, but sijax is giant asswhole and didnt catch her!1! so now nkita is lying on flor in pile of noseblods.

4\. SIJAX U LAZY FKUCER

annie luked at dem. nad she sighed. *sigh* but! olive reeched twards kylos abs!1! and! dey glowed!1! it was bootiful! and den a thing cam out of his abs! it was AN AB DEMON!1! SO SPOOPY! IT WAS JSUST DIS MASS OF AB! AND IT LUKED AT OLIVE AND SEEJAX AND NIKTA LYING IN DE PILE OF NOSEBLODS!1! IT WAS ANGRY!1! IT TRID TOO KILL DEM! BUT! NKITA WOKED UP AND DEN SHE WAS VAMPIRE! SPOOPY SPOOPY! NAD SHE SCURRED THE AB DEMON! "you scurred the ab demon", whispered Olive. "yes I did", whispered Naomi right back. and seajacks screemed wit laugter! "WE CAN DSTEROY DE WORL!" she screemed. "but den wher will we life?" asked olvive. "ok fine butt we wil rule de worl" "YAAAASSSSSS" screemed nkata nd ovile! as dis was goin on, kyo and anie left. "fck u", dey sayed.

-epilogue-

Kylo Ren and Anne moved out into space where Kylo built a better deathstar that they lived in. They started a two-person band that mainly just did covers of depressing Red songs. They had two children, a son named Itachi, who joined forces with Jack Sparrow and started a rivalry with Sijax, Olive, Nikita, and the ab demon (whose name turned out to be Edward). They also had a daughter named Sasuke who married some weird ramen-obsessed ADHD fucker named Naruto.

Sijax, Olive, Nikita, and Edward conquered many nations of the world, although Itachi and Jack Sparrow got quite a few as well. Olive and Nikita each found their own respective werewolf husband; Olive's was Joshua, and Nikita's was Alex. Sijax focused mainly on conquering the world, but in her old age she acquired approximately 87 cats that were all well cared for. Edward is immortal, and lives to this day. You may see him, stalking the forests or hiding in dark alleys.

Waiting.

Watching.


	2. Chapter 2

The rain beat furiously against the windows and Anne rolled over yet again. She peered at the clock through blurry half-closed eyes. 3:57 am. A groan escaped her as she rolled onto her back. A flash of light burst into the neatly kept room, and a few seconds later thunder rattled the windows. She closed her eyes and felt a strange darkness unlike sleep overcome her. "What?… hmm….mm…."

Her eyes snapped open. As they roamed the black walls and strange lights along the ceiling, she came to the conclusion that she was definitely not in her bed or at home. She tried to move, but straps secured every part of her body to the metal chair she was in. Great, there was a gag too. Her brain worked furiously to figure out how to escape, but was interrupted by a whoosh as a section of the wall slid open.

A dark hooded figure stepped through and the door slid closed. "Hux and his fucking plans… I swear to god…." He removed the cape and pulled his shirt over his head. He was unbuckling his belt when Anne squeaked through the gag. The light flipped on, and he gasped. "What the fuck?" He reached out his hand, the straps snapped and the gag fell out of her mouth. His unbuckled belt flapped as he walked towards her, and he rebuckled it quickly. With more than a hint of amusement, she noted his face was red as a tomato. "Are you ok?" "Yeah, just a little disoriented. Where am I?" Several expressions flashed across his face before it settled on rage. "FUCKING HUX YOU FUCKING DICKBAG! IS THIS ANOTHER ONE OF YOUR PLANS CAUSE I'LL SLIT YOUR FUCKING THROAT YOU BITCH!" "Whoa there, easy with the language…." Her eyes travelled from his glittering hazel eyes, down his throat to his well muscled chest, following the line of black hair all the way to his abs. A breath escaped her mouth as she gazed at them. They were abnormally large and covered in throbbing veins… in fact they were kind of gross.

Both of them were startled by several loud explosions in the distance. A few seconds later, something thudded against the door and it fell in. Anne groaned as her three best friends (we are your three best friends right?) burst into the room. Time stood still as they took in the delicious sight before them. Olive squealed and a perverted grin split Sijax's face from ear to ear. Nikita stared for a few seconds before her nose exploded with blood and she swooned in the general direction of Sijax. However, Sijax is a giant asshole and didn't catch her. So now Nikita is lying on the floor in a pile of noseblood, causing Olive to giggle uncontrollably. Sijax is a lazy fucker.

Anne got up quickly, bumping into the strange man's hairy chest in the process. "It's not what it looks like, I swear you freaking perverts!" Olive grinned evilly. "Oh suurrrrreee…." "Sorry to interrupt" Sijax chuckled. Nikita's lip twitched, and more blood dripped out of her nose. A strange look came into Olive's eyes, and her hand reached slowly and shakily towards the abs. Anne opened her mouth to ask what the hell she was doing, but closed it as a green glow filled the room, emanating from his abs. It grew more intense and Olive's hand trembled violently, but she still held it out. Slowly the abs began to deform and grow larger, and Anne stepped away quickly. A hand burst out, provoking a gasp from Sijax, but still Olive held her hand out. Nikita opened one eye. A strangled scream escaped the man's mouth, and a large creature erupted from his abs.

The man fell backwards, and Anne rushed to his side, away from the monster. "You can call me… Kylo…." he whispered before slipping into unconsciousness. She picked him up bridal style (she worked out every day, unlike you, you fucking wimp.) and left the room.

The creature was twice as tall as all of them, and unnaturally muscled. It opened its mouth to screech at them, revealing giant misshapen teeth. The floor shook as it stepped towards them threateningly. Sijax and Olive backed up slowly "Good… good boy…" whispered Sijax. "Think it's time to go now!" hissed Olive. The demon prepared itself to spring at them, but it never got the chance. Nikita leaped in front of them, growling loudly. She had grown in height, sharp fangs curved out of her mouth, and her eyes gleamed red. The demon stopped, unsure of this new threat. Slowly, Nikita reached her hand out towards it. It stared at her, before reaching its own hand out to touch hers. "My name… Edward…." it growled.

-epilogue-

Kylo Ren and Anne moved out into space where Kylo built a better deathstar that they lived in. They started a two-person band that mainly just did covers of depressing Red songs. They had two children, a son named Itachi, who joined forces with Jack Sparrow and started a rivalry with Sijax, Olive, Nikita, and the ab demon. They also had a daughter named Sasuke who married some weird ramen-obsessed ADHD fucker named Naruto.

Sijax, Olive, Nikita, and Edward conquered many nations of the world, although Itachi and Jack Sparrow got quite a few as well. Olive and Nikita each found their own respective werewolf husband; Olive's was Joshua, and Nikita's was Alex. Sijax focused mainly on conquering the world, but in her old age she acquired approximately 87 cats that were all well cared for. Edward is immortal, and lives to this day. You may see him, stalking the forests or hiding in dark alleys.

Waiting.

Watching.


End file.
